34 Weeks, 8 Months

How far along?  34 weeks, that's 8 months! 

Total weight gain: 27 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, all pants. Some of my regular shirts still fit, sort of...Baby Hine is growing daily it feel like

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: up  3+ times a night, getting uncomfortable

Best moment this week: Monday night I was able to spend some time with Nora and SK, which was really good. I also toured the hospital, got a ton of baby laundry done, and went apple picking.

Miss Anything? Tim. So much. 

Movement: So much lately! My stomach looks like there is an alien in there!

Food cravings: Fruit, peanut butter, pizza

Food aversions: OJ and tea

Gender: Don't know, and won't know until the day the bean arrives!

Labor Signs: Nope

Symptoms: Tired, really sore hips when I walk, shortness of breath

Belly Button in or out? The top popped, the bottom is flattish 

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Looking forward to: getting back in my house  very soon and preparing for Baby Hine, my mom's baby shower on Sunday

Feelings? Getting anxious/nervous about all I have to do before  Baby Hine arrives, and think I am in disbelief that it is so soon! 

In other news this week, I met with and decided on a pediatrician for the little one and I am very happy with my choice. The doctor and office staff seems wonderful. 

The hospital tour was nice in that I was able to see everything and see just how unlike a hospital it feels which is good for me. It did stink every time the woman giving the tour referred to the dads, which was often. I knew it was bound to happen so I was fairly prepared, but it was still hard.

I miss that husband of mine so much all the time, but it really breaks my heart that this baby doesn't get to meet him here...I know they would have loved each other so much.

34 Weeks

34 Weeks, belly shot (I'm a little embarrassed by this, but want to remember it!)

33 Weeks

How far along?  33 Weeks

Total weight gain: 27 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, all pants. Some of my regular shirts still fit, sort of...Baby Hine is growing!

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: up  2+ times a night, super tired all the time

Best moment this week: My baby shower was so lovely. It was a camping/hiking theme, and was held in the beautiful Shepley barn that had been converted by my mother and sister in laws and best friends. There was a wood fired pizza truck with awesome pizza (even s'mores pizza for dessert!) and so many wonderful women to celebrate Baby Hine with. We are so blessed. A dear friend, Nikki, gave the most special gift...an elephant that when hugged, has a recording of the audio of Tim's proposal video to me. I will treasure that little elephant always.

Miss Anything? Tim. And Sarah and Miriam. 

Movement: Yes! Lots of flopping around. Baby really likes the right side of my stomach, and I've been feeling a foot or something jabby lately.

Food cravings: Fruit

Food aversions: OJ and tea...even tried tea again this week when allergies hit...couldn't stomach it.

Gender: Don't know, and won't know until the day the bean arrives!

Labor Signs: Nope, thankfully...maybe a few Braxton Hicks, not sure though 

Symptoms: Really tired, sore, heartburn again, very emotional, getting out of breath more easily.

Belly Button in or out? The top popped, the bottom is flattish 

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Looking forward to: getting back in my house and preparing for Baby Hine, meeting with a pediatrician next week to see if I like them!

Feelings: Really sad and emotional this week. Very drained. Getting anxious/nervous about all I have to do before Baby Hine arrives, and that there are approx. 7 weeks left!

Wednesday Night - A follow up

On Wednesday evening, there was a worship service to kick off 40 days of worship and prayer for the state of CT. My sis Lisa had told us about this 40 day event awhile ago, and we decided it would be fun to check out while Sarah and Miriam were home.

Fast forward to last Wednesday, and I had completely forgotten about these worship services. When they were talking about the service that evening in Berlin,CT I have to admit that I was really just wishing I could stay home. However, it was a night for all of us ladies (Momma Hine, Sarah, Lisa, Miriam and our friend Erika) to spend together, plus we went to Rich's before so I decided to suck it up and go. As you can imagine, I wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind to worship. Also, this was a joyful event with lots of people shouting Hallelujahs and feelings of excitement. Sometimes, I love that. Lately, it has been hard for me to not be angry with God (even though I still trust Him and His plan for us, I still get angry because I just want Tim here so badly). They played several songs in a row about surrendering our hopes, dreams and plans to God - and while I know this is something I have always needed to do, I hate that I HAD to give up my hopes, dreams, and plans that included Tim (which were pretty much all of them). I was having a serious struggle with God and was practically yelling in my head at Him to speak to me because I felt so alone, lonely, and angry. 

And then the service ended, with me feeling angry and sad and determined to leave the service feeling those feelings. I was surrounded by hundreds of strangers, in a church and town that I had never been, and the only people I knew were the people I drove with and a friend of Lisa's. I was not in a good place. 

Within a few minutes of the service ending, a college aged guy came up to me looking pretty nervous. I immediately bristled, thinking to myself what in the world does this guy want? He said, "I don't usually do this, and I'm not really sure how to do this, but I just have a word from God that He wanted me to tell you." 

At this point, I was listening, but still not so sure about the whole thing. And then, these words came out of his mouth - "He wanted me to tell you that your baby is going to be a warrior". I immediately burst into tears, choked out a thank you, and the young guy was on his way out the door. I sat down, stammering to those around me "Did you hear what he just said?!". I left feeling more at peace than I have in the last five months (and it has been five months to the day since my love has gone on to Heaven). 

For those of you that attended Tim's memorial service, you won't need to ask why that particular statement was so powerful. If you didn't, I would watch my mother in laws talk on the youtube link that we posted. Basically, God spoke to Leslie the week after Tim went to Heaven and told her that he is going to be (or is) a warrior king. She shared the whole story at Tim's service. 

The fact that God would choose to use a night where I felt so angry and lonely, to use a total stranger, and to speak a word to me that would show just how close He is and how close Tim is, that was truly amazing to me. And, what implications it has for the future that this little one is going to be a warrior? 

Our God, He is so so good. Even in the midst of our incredible suffering. Even in the midst of our terrible sadness. Even when we are so angry we can barely pray. Even when all we want is our old life back. He knows, He loves us, and He is good. And Tim, I love you, and think it is pretty awesome that our baby is going to be a warrior just like his/her daddy. I so look forward to the day when the three of us are together again, but until then I have hope for our future.

32 Weeks

How far along?  32 Weeks

Total weight gain: 25 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, all pants. Some of my regular shirts still fit, sort of...I'm definitely starting to get bigger

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: up  2+ times a night, waking up very sore

Best moment this week: Something that happened on Wednesday night, more to come on that. Hanging out with Sarah and Miriam

Miss Anything? Tim.

Movement: Yes! Lots of flopping around. Baby really likes the right side of my stomach.

Food cravings: Peaches

Food aversions: OJ and tea

Gender: Don't know, and won't know until the day the bean arrives!

Labor Signs: Nope, thankfully 

Symptoms: Really tired, sore, heartburn again, very emotional, getting out of breath more easily, stomach feels heavy when I go for a walk

Belly Button in or out? In...the top has kind of popped though 

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Looking forward to: My first baby shower this weekend!

Feelings: A bit nervous, as the time is approaching rapidly (or so it seems to me), only 8 weeks left!
It was an interesting day. I hiked Sleeping Giant for the first time since Easter, and I made pizza for the first time since March. I'm not really sure how I feel about either just yet.

Update on midwives: I started seeing the midwives practice on Tuesday, and I couldn't be happier with the decision to switch. It was such a good appointment and I am really looking forward to getting to knowing them all better!

First time up Sleeping Giant since Easter...

32 weeks, 8 weeks to go, approx.

31 Weeks...single digit weeks left, this is getting real

How far along?  31weeks

Total weight gain: 20-22 as of last appt.

Maternity clothes? Yes, all pants. Some of my regular shirts still fit, sort of

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: up  3+ times a night and waking up very early 

Best moment this week: Seeing progress made on our home, thanks to the wonderful friends and family that we have. Also, ice cream for dinner, hanging out with friends, and being so very blessed to have a friend like Nora.

Miss Anything? Tim, so much. This week has been incredibly tough.

Movement: Yes! Lots of flopping around. Pretty sure he or she got my ribs the other day.

Food cravings: Pizza, fruit, not really any crazy cravings lately

Food aversions: OJ and tea

Gender: Don't know, and won't know until the day the bean arrives!

Labor Signs: Nope, thankfully 

Symptoms: Really tired, heartburn again, very emotional, getting out of breath more easily, stomach feels heavy when I go for a walk

Belly Button in or out? In...getting flatter though

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Looking forward to: Heading to Oneonta this weekend for the family reunion, and hanging out with Sarah and Miriam.

Feelings: Crazy stressed - between our house getting worked on and crazy nesting mode starting, McKinley flat out refusing to eat (pretty sure because of Lyme/antibiotics), and missing Tim all the time it has just been a really tough emotional battle constantly these days - all this is the same from last week. Poor pup still isn't eating. 

I heard a new song by Laura Story called I Can Just Be Me which was really helpful to hear.

I have also made the decision, after much thought, to switch to a different practice for the remainder of my pregnancy. As much as I love my OB, I really dislike one of the other OBs in the practice, and there is no guarantee I will not have her when I'm in labor. Also, and perhaps more importantly, they never ever read my chart before talking to me - which is frustrating to say the least and heartbreaking at its worst. I'm tired of being asked questions that would be very easily explained by reading the bright green highlighted sentence at the top of my chart. 

Yesterday, I met with the midwives practice that Nora delivered with. Tey are a much smaller practice, and work closely with OBs if the need should arise for them to be present. I can also still deliver at the hospital (which is still the plan). I think the more personal approach of a midwife, and the fact that they will stay with you throughout your labor, seems like a better fit for me. I'm pretty excited!

31 Weeks

30 Weeks, 7 months!

How far along?  30 weeks, 7 months! 

Total weight gain: 20-22 as of last appt.

Maternity clothes? Yes, all pants. Some of my regular shirts still fit, sort of

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: 3+ times a night and waking up very early 

Best moment this week: Hanging out at Waters Edge with the Burke clan

Miss Anything? Tim, so much.

Movement: Yes! And the movement is very, very low most of the time

Food cravings: Pizza, peaches, bananas and peanut butter

Food aversions: OJ, tea, veggies (depending on the day)

Gender: Don't know, and won't know until the day the bean arrives!

Labor Signs: Nope, thankfully 

Symptoms: Really tired, heartburn again, very emotional, starting to get out of breath more easily

Belly Button in or out? In...getting flatter though

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Looking forward to: seeing my cousins, seeing Sarah and Miriam, and bringing food and beverages to the wonderful men that are working on my house!

Feelings: Crazy stressed - between our house getting worked on and crazy nesting mode starting, McKinley flat out refusing to eat (pretty sure because of Lyme/antibiotics), and missing Tim all the time it has just been a really tough emotional battle constantly these days. Desperately holding on to the truth that God never leaves us nor forsakes us.

30 weeks

From the front - 29 Weeks, 6 days

29 weeks

How far along?  29 Weeks

Total weight gain: 20-22 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, all pants. Some of my regular shirts still fit.

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: waking up a lot, and waking up very early 

Best moment this week: Lobster bake in RI, seeing Emma and Adam, hanging out with the Burke ladies, dinner with my old team, and hearing little ones heartbeat 

Miss Anything? Tim. So very much, all the time.

Movement: Yes! This is an active little one!!! Some days are more active than others. Getting more consistent now.

Food cravings: ice cream, summer foods like corn on the cob, fruit (loving watermelon and peaches) Still mostly into carbs, but can eat a more balanced diet lately! :)

Food aversions: OJ, tea, veggies (depending on the day)

Gender: Don't know, and won't know until the day the bean arrives!

Labor Signs: Nope, thankfully 

Symptoms: Really tired, heartburn again, very emotional - and had to have a non stress test today to check things out, thankfully all is well!

Belly Button in or out? In...getting flatter though

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Looking forward to: Going to Waters Edge for a day to two with the Burkes, work getting done at our house!

Feelings: Emotional, a lot has happened this week. Had to move a bunch of stuff (including our clothes) downstairs so that work could be done on our upstairs. My brother came home. Had to have a non stress test. Have been busy hanging out with people. Poor McKinley had a terrible limp, that I couldn't figure out how it happened. Ended up taking her to the vet because it got worse and she was whimpering like crazy, and she was diagnosed with Lyme. I'm so grateful I took her in, and to another vet instead of our regular - so was limping about 2 months ago and I asked our vet if it could be Lyme and they said no...turns out they were wrong. Needless to say, we will be switching!

28 weeks, 1 day. Dayle's photo shoot

29 Weeks