My life is forever changed.

I don't know how to write this. I was supposed to be telling about the wonderful news about Tim and I expecting our first baby. Instead, our world was flipped upside down. Honestly, I'm pretty sure that most days I'm still in shock. Sometimes, I forget that this is real life now. And sometimes it hurts so much I can't catch my breath and I can't stop sobbing. Mostly, I'm just numb. I want my husband back. I want him here. However, I will choose to trust in our God, that His plan is being carried out just as it should. As Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Instead of trying to write this again, I am just going to put an excerpt from my eulogy of Tim. At some point I will post all of it. For now:

The morning of April 3rd 2013 will forever remain imprinted in my mind, as will the days that followed Tim's accident when family and friends lived with us at the hospital to pray, give support, and be with Tim. Tim fought hard to hang on, and it was a blessing to be witness to the love and support of everyone all over the world that was praying for him. On Sunday, April 7th at 6:45 PM, Tim went to be with his Savior. It had been a sunny day, and for about twenty minutes surrounding his passing it began to rain. Our dear friends reported seeing a rainbow above the Hine house in Southbury just after 7:00 PM. We were all able to say our goodbyes, and I was able to wrap my arms around the love of my life one more time. I am so grateful that we were all there with him.
That night, I awoke at 4:30 AM after having a vision of Tim putting his arms on my arms, looking me in the eyes, and smiling. He said "I'm ok." He was big and bright, and when I opened my eyes, there was still a bit of light in the room. I feel such peace because I know Tim is in Heaven and I know I will see him again. My faith has been strengthened over the last few weeks and I feel closer to God than I ever have before. I am angry and devastated that Tim is gone, but not at God. I know Tim 
is in an incredible place and I know he is doing amazing things, and I am sure he is climbing mountains up there. 

I miss my best friend. I miss my husband. I love you babe, and I really can't wait to be with you again! You would have really loved the last ultrasound, this little one is just like you. Baby Hine is moving all around, rubbing their face, and kicking (although I can't feel it just yet). 

I am going to start to write weekly updates on our baby, so that I can remember everything.