20 Weeks, Halfway There - oooooh Livin' on a prayer!

Sorry about the lame title, I couldn't resist. Livin on a Prayer was a favorite song of Tim and I. We were lifted up in the air during this song at our wedding, we blasted it and sang our hearts out whenever we heard it on the radio, and it remains a favorite of mine. When I wrote 20 weeks, halfway there I just had to add it!

How far along?  20 Weeks, halfway!

Total weight gain: 14 lbs - yikes! (Apparently I am the only one concerned by this)

Maternity clothes? Still just leggings or  maternity jeans, can wear regular tops for now

Stretch marks? No new ones

Sleep: Ok, waking up 3/4 times a night 

Best moment this week: Too many to choose - dinner and choosing frames with my cousins, hanging out with Emma, hanging out with Clare and Nora, seeing my students...best moment for sure was seeing Baby Hine wiggling all around on the 20 week ultrasound and learning that he/she is perfect!

Miss Anything? Tim. My regular life.

Movement: Yes! This is an active little one, have been feeling movement for about a week now. Only once or twice a day, and faint, but I feel it!

Food cravings: Still carbs, cheese, cheesy crackers like goldfish, and iche cream. Spicy food (probably why I am getting so large haha)

Food aversions: OJ, tea, veggies are becoming more tolerable

Gender: Don't know, and won't know until the day the bean arrives!

Labor Signs: Nope, thankfully 

Symptoms: Very tired and very emotional. Heartburn. Some nausea.

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Looking forward to: Spending time with friends and family this week

Feelings: A total mixture. Mostly angry and sad this week.

I've had a very rough several days. I think the ultrasound, as amazing as it was, really made it hit home that Tim isn't here and won't be here for all of this wonderful stuff that I get to experience as a mom to be, and it just breaks my heart that he doesn't get to experience everything as a dad to be (here on earth anyway, I'm convinced he is still a dad in Heaven). I miss him so much that I am physically feeling pain, and am completely exhausted. I've shed a lot of tears these past days, and am so grateful for prayer, for a God that loves me, and for family and friends that check in on me. I am especially grateful for Nora (and Joe) who let me crash their family night on Saturday and just let me be how I needed to be - which was sad and crying a lot. Man Tim, we have the best family and friends anyone could ever ask for. Thank you God!

I revisited this song this morning, and it reminded me again that joy will be coming, there is a plan - and just because I don't understand it, doesn't mean that it isn't what is best. It is called Before the Morning by Josh Wilson:
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=mfWAG-bnttQ&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DmfWAG-bnttQ
Really worth a listen if you are hurting.
Another song I love these days, that a friend Nikki send to me, is Never Alone by Lady Antebellum. I imagine this song from both God and Tim's perspective, and it really helps me.
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=U4yRsT_fPic&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DU4yRsT_fPic

Finally, some pictures! I'll get a 20 week of me today and post soon. In the meantime, here is our 20 week ultrasound. The little one was moving so much that it was hard to get a decent picture!

20 weeks, approx 13 oz. and measuring 5 days ahead gestational age!